So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
