after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
