Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
