i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
