you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
