Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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