opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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