you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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