Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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