I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize