Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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