Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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