I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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