we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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