Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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