You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
