Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
