I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
