Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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