Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
