I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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