he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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