the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will be naked everywhere
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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