whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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