A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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