My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
