i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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