you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
