She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
