a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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