gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
