Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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