Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
