Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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