Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
