Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
