we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
