Did I show you my penis last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
