i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
