last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
