Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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