You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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