No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
