You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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