Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're a waste of cheezeits
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
