the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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