Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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