the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
