Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
