i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
