Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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