i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize