I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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