i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
