I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
