Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
