Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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