Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love you.
Bad choice
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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