i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
