in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
