can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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