I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
