so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want a musical about memes.
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