new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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