he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And then he peed in my hair
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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