the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
