i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
