i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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