Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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