cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
