Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
