Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
