you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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