They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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