apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
