I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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