Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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