There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
