I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
