plz talk dirty to me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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